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The Maggi Wars



The campus is in a state of chaos. Students and faculty have come together to riot against the latest outrage. It’s the end of a long-drawn-out war between students and the staff. Broken hearts, tortured souls, skyrocketing stress levels and, above all, empty stomachs. Who will win this long-awaited war against Maggi ?


    Students were already outraged by the sudden ban of the classic snack-time favourite, Maggi. Though there has been a suppressed tension in campus since the ban of Maggi and several other brands of instant noodles, the removal of Gurunath’s stocks of Maggi yesterday was the last straw, and threw students into a state of utter madness.


“When I went to Gurunath and asked for Maggi, they said they didn’t have any. They tried to coax me into buying Top Ramen or Sunfeast, but they don’t understand. IT’S NOT THE SAME,” raves a girl outside Gurunath.


On hearing that other instant noodles have also come under the hammer, students have been rapidly stocking up several brands of instant noodles. But Gurunath has not been able to keep up with the demand.

“I don’t know man, first it was Maggi, now they’re saying it’s gonna be Sunfeast. I don’t think I can hold out much longer. It’s getting pretty harsh in the hostel. You always have to lock up your stocks. You can’t trust anyone, and it’s just so hard to find a decent Maggi broker who will send you authentic Maggi in the black.”




    Students who have switched to alternate brands are also highly dissatisfied. A common complaint is that no other brand compares to Maggi. Though other brands advertise taking only two minutes to cook, Maggi was the only one true to its word. Waiting for two minutes itself is a grueling and mentally challenging task - waiting any more than that is sheer torture.

    This ban has also been tearing apart homes. “Maggi turned my home into the kind you see in ads. Banning Maggi has taken away all the happiness in our house. My parents fell in love over Maggi, and now they’re getting divorced because my mom stopped making it,” says a boy as he starts crying.

Despite the students’ remorse, the staff remain resolute about restricting Maggi. Raids and checking have become more common. Students caught in possession of illegal goods, especially Maggi, have been suspended until further notice. Corrective actions have also been taken against violators. Timings of the student counselor’s office have been extended due to the overflow of distressed students.

“We care for the students’ welfare, above all. Though it hurts both them and us, this is necessary. Who would have imagined that what was once a family favorite would ever become the subject of a war?” says Ms. Maggi Dutta, chief of the student’s welfare association.



Not Actually News: Campus Satire Column consisting of 100% absurd and UNTRUE ramblings of a certain individual who doesn't like reading the paper.

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