The true understanding of the concept of self-love and its myriad attributes begins when we ask ourselves certain imperative questions:
Who is your best mate?
Who are you unabashedly true to?
Who is always by your side?
Who do you have imperforate control over?
The answer to all those questions is one simple yet profound word - YOU! It has always been and will only be you. In your life’s journey, while treading the complex and tortuous paths, you will be your only constant companion. Your individuality is the most powerful tool you carry with you! Well, in that case, why is it, that a mere bystander’s opinions hold insurmountable control over you? Mark Twain rightly quoted that “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval”. However, the quote seems to take an ironic tone now, because, from the very moment we begin socializing, we begin reflecting the characters, attitudes and qualities of others in our life. We have been under the radar of constant comparison to such an extent that we now internalize it. We automatically crate a scale of comparison, measuring ourselves against others. This ultimately leads us to imitate and envy the character and attributes of others and we go on to count their blessings, rather than realizing the uniqueness obscured within.
The primary problem is that the value we assign to the comments, feedback and assessment of others, is so grand that it masks our own individuality. We consider the outsider’s opinion as an apt evaluation of our personality, appearance or skills and end up making it the top priority to please them (subconsciously). This ensues an internal conflict between the person we truly are, and the person we pretend to be. The bitter truth is that, the world’s expectations from you is a bottomless pit, and we end up losing our inner peace and overlook our sui generis personality.
Self-love is a mental state wherein you accept your flaws and shortcomings and try to improve yourself, because you want to be better for yourself and not because the other person is looking. It is when you give more importance to your benison, thoughts and opinions rather than prioritizing what others might approve. It brings a boost of aplomb, self-worth and positivity.
Here are few tips to hone the state of self-love:
- Stop comparing yourself with others, for it is nothing but a vicious cycle. The only person to compare yourself with, is the past you. Try to be a step better than the person you were yesterday.
- Forgive yourself: To err is human. We all have our regrets in life. Accept the aberrations and analyze it to learn constructive lessons and move on. Learn to accept or let go of situations which are not under your control.
- Stop being a sympathy seeker. You are composed enough to have a hold on your emotions. No one’s pity is going to help you. Boost up your own self-esteem.
- Count your blessings. Look around to see how lucky you are. Make a list of things which you consider as boons. Recount the instances in your life which you are proud of.
- Take responsibility. All instances occurring in your life, be it fortunate or misfortunate, it’s you who is solely responsible for it. Pointing fingers is futile. Be your own master.
- Avoid toxic people. There might be some people who constantly disapprove your feats without valid reason. They would constantly put you down with the front of critiquing. Shut the door on such pessimism and meditate on ‘Good Vibes Only’.
- Believe in yourself. Love starts with trust. Nothing can be constructed without trust as a strong base. Believe in your capability and skills.
- Give yourself feedback. Spend some time analyzing yourself. Be your own critic. Talk to yourself about what you approve, or what needs augmentation. Think what kind of a person you want to be like and try achieving it.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance,” said Oscar Wilde. So, isn’t it imperative that we get a head-start on this everlasting journey?